My name is Dhondi Wiegel. I have the incredible privilege of loving, beholding, and treasuring Lariate Janel Wiegel as my wife. The first time I stood on this stage, I proclaimed my love for Jesus Christ and devotion to Him. The last time I stood on this stage, I committed my life to Lariate as her loving husband and it’s a joy to remember and celebrate her today.
Proverbs 31:
10 An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
I before you to praise my wife, Lariate—not because I have to—but I get to. I praise her because of the One whom she served and aspired with all of her being to be like. I praise her, because if I don’t, those who fill this space will. I praise her, because she is praiseworthy.
I first met Lariate at Northwest Community Church in the college group. She was a delightful character, always smiling and pleasant—a joyful presence in any room. I remember thinking “She seems so satisfied!” As a new Christian, I longed for this same satisfaction that I had seen in the lives of those who shared Christ with me; this same contentment I saw in her then, and to this day.
In 1998, after a season of growth, I joined the high school ministry at Northwest Community Church. Under the leadership of John Amandola and Joe Tuerff, I learned to become a shepherd…a Lover of Sheep. I was assigned a rag tag band of sheep, rough around the edges (much like me) and in time, I grew to love them as I shared not only the gospel, but my life as well. I made it the aim of my life to become like Christ, so that by imitation, they might become like Him as well. I remember the words of Jesus: “My food is to do the will of him who sent me and to accomplish his work.”
During this time, my soul was satisfied. I was in love with ministry and in giving myself in service to others. I loved being used by God in this way and could not get enough of my sheep. I experienced the satisfaction that I saw in Lariate that first day, the joy of dying to self and living for others.
During this time, Lariate was pouring herself into a group of Jr. High Girls who were now ready to cross that threshold into High School. As a faithful shepherd who longs to be near her sheep, she moved to the high school group and joined the team of leaders, of whom I was now a part. In this new context, I quietly watched her from a distance. I learned from her as I watched her example. I admired her selfless devotion to Christ and to her sheep. Even though I was satisfied in the joy of God’s work, a desire was awaken for something more, for someone new.
From my journal: “God has given me a fondness for a new girl; how unexpected! I am learning to desire the sweet fragrance of purity over any other pleasure this world can offer. I will pray for her that her faith in the Lord will be strong and I know that one day, she will be the love of my life. I need to stay focused on how sweet that day will be.”
This longing which God placed in my soul, though deep, was expressed in a quiet confidence that if this was God’s will, He would bring us together in his timing. Years passed and we served along one another with a shared passion for God’s glory in all things and the surrendering of our lives to His service. My fondness for her grew and I delighted in the nearness of her presence through our shared ministry. She was, in a word, AMAZING.
I began to pray for Lariate, that her joy and contentment in serving Her lord would be multiplied and that her every need would be met. I found in the pages of her journals, that she began to pray for me as well:
“Lord Father, be enough for Dhondi. I pray he be strengthened in this furnace of affliction, chastened by your Spirit, and blessed by your Redemption. I pray for Dhondi, Lord as Jesus did, that Dhondi would remain in thy name. May Dhondi’s role as your servant shepherd be met with union and purpose and fellowship. And Father, o my soul, I desire that he may behold Your glory. O Father, I couldn’t be more at rest with this thought, praise thee.”
She loved to pray. For me, for her sheep, for others. Her journals testify that her devotion to others in prayer was often greater than her devotion to her own needs. In addition to her ministry to students, she was a teacher loved by her students, and a servant in her home. What precious time she did have left to fill her tank, she poured it back into the lives of others through prayer.
Over time, God moved our hearts towards one another. Our courtship was filled with concern and doubt from those who knew her best, and did not know me well. In these times, she submitted herself continually to the concerns of others, with humility and patience, knowing that God will accomplish His will. She daily surrendered her affections for me, leaving them willingly at the foot of the cross, praying only for God’s will and my benefit.
During our courtship, Lariate struggled to find her role in complementing me. We were so different. She was raised in a Christian home, I was still new in my faith. She was a quiet servant of Christ, I was kind of loud. She loved to hike, I loved to dance. She was beautiful, I was short. In the end, she surrendered all and committed in prayer to serve me. I am so humbled by her loving submission. She never said a word of her concerns, only committed to pray for me daily.
In His Goodness and perfect timing, God quieted the concerns and doubts about our union, and on November 11, 2003 I asked for her hand in marriage. Her “Yes” was given! With wedding plans under way, ministry to her flock, and much to accomplish in her role as a teacher, she made sure to chose the best things among the good things. Time in God’s word and daily surrender of her will remained her priority. She loved Jesus more than all of these good things.
I remember the day of our wedding like it was yesterday. I remember standing at the foot of this stage, eager, willing, and ready to receive my bride. As she entered the room, I remember feeling so incredibly privileged to have her hand in marriage. Our courtship hadn’t been easy as I struggled to discern whom the authority in her life was and wondered, because of the passing of her father, whom would give her away. In that moment, it was clear to me that God was her authority and her Father, and that it was Him who was placing the hand of His daughter in mine for marriage.
We were a happy couple and enjoyed all the delights of being newlywed. We entrusted our marriage thru prayer to become the embodiment of the Love that Christ has for the church in our new home in Fletcher Heights. Lariate made it easy. Her devotion to Christ during ordinary every day activities drew me closer and closer to her as my spouse and to Christ as my Lord. She continually prayed for me, spoke to me truthfully when I needed correction, and submitted to me as I led. She was the aroma of Christ in our home.
As a new youth pastor, she joined me in ministry at Lake Pleasant Community Church, jumping in whole heartedly and pouring herself into the new fold of sheep that God had placed before her. This wasn’t hard for her, it came easily. She just wanted to be with her sheep. Trips to the store, hiking thunderbird mountain, or just a day around the house were transformed into nurturing instruction as she invited her sheep to participate in her life. She had become my perfect complement.
She sweetly served me in ministry and was always aware of my needs before I was. When I would host a student ministry dinner, she was attentive to the needs of all the students making sure drinks were full, desert was ready, and tables were cleared. She delighted in serving me by serving others.
I remember early in our marriage, we had a discussion about how the layout of our home should reflect the hospitality of Christ. We made room for a larger dining space and turned the office into a guest room, certain that God would fill it with strangers in need of rest. God was faithful and used this room to bless others recovering from sickness, resting from surgery, even those weary from the battle with sin.
As our ministry grew, so did our family. God blessed us with three boys who became the primary focus and recipient of Lariate’s ministry. She was devoted to our children and nurtured them in the Love of Christ. She was good at it in a way that I could never pretend to be. I taught them to fight, drink coffee, and take 3 min. showers. She taught them to love, to forgive, and to be tender towards each other with the affection of Christ. Each time someone would say “Your children are such a delight” I never shied from declaring “That’s because of my wife, have you met her?”
She devoted her time to learning how to be a good mother. She read and sought council. Nursing times were filled with prayers and singing. Evening time was spent reading and learning about the needs of her little ones, and how she can nurture them and provide all that they need to build strong bodies. Changes were made in our diet, cleaning products replaced in our home, and our home rearranged in delight of what is best for our children. David often reminds me, “My mommy is the best mommy in the whole wide world.”
She chose to homeschool our children, keeping them close as they explored God’s world together. She began each morning by leading them in singing the hymn “This is my Father’s world.” She imparted to them the desire for daily prayer and communion with the Lord and would lead them daily in prayer for the needs of others. She took the time to notice and record important details about their life such as the first time Calvin use the potty, or the joy Jonathan found in his new stuffed animal, Coco. She recorded her thoughts along with her prayers for the boys in her journals which we shall treasure for years to come.
In remembrance of mommy, I suggested a game in which the boys and I would take turns saying something good thing we remember about mommy. The problem with such games is that they have no end.
When she was diagnosed with cancer in 2011, she was eager to be tested in the fire of affliction so that her faith might be refined. We daily begged the Lord that He might remove this disease, but it was in the quiet times that we knew He had appointed this for His glory. We had no assurance of cure, only that our God would remain with us and that He is faithful. This faithfulness was expressed in the answer to EVERY prayer we prayed, except the deliverance from this disease.
In this tension we lived, knowing that God was good and faithful, yet not receiving the thing we had begged for. Lariate grew STRONG in faith, allowing God to care for her fears and releasing them to Him. Though her outer self was wasting away, her inner self was being renewed day by day. Joy abounded in the desert, and daily she found contentment in praising her savior for the Little things, being attentive to the needs of others, and praying for the saints. My wife’s beauty was characterized by her faithfulness, devotion to her Lord, support and encouragement to me, her sanctifying prayers, and tender care for all which lasted even to the very last day.
In her journals, I found that her longing to be with Jesus began long before her battle with cancer. She daily grieved over sin, threw herself on the mercy of God, willingly giving everything to Him, including me. She prayed for all, especially me.
At the beginning of our courtship, she wrote:
“Here Lord, is where I am weak! I want to be Dhondi’ s comforter, helper, and breather of life in trial. I want to nurture the downcast soul. May you be his comfort and all. My sin, Lord Jesus, is my desire. I desire to be the fulfillment of his heart’s desire and to be for him all that he desires and needs in weakness. Lord, that desire—to be for him his hearts desire to have and hold—I give to you. You alone are able; you alone are worthy to occupy that place in His heart.”
She longed for me to be satisfied with nothing but Christ and Christ alone, pushing aside her own affections and releasing me daily to be consumed by Him and find my treasure in Him, not her!
“An excellent wife, who can find?” Proverbs 31:10
My wife was a treasure, only partly treasured because of her short life. I miss her presence and can’t stop thinking about her. She inhabited my dreams last night and we sat on the bed talking, delighting in each other’s presence, and singing the hymn “Jesus Paid it all.” She sang with a smile and such triumphant notes that made it hard to strum the way I had learned. I woke up to find her body gone, but her presence lingering.
I wandered around our house looking for breadcrumbs of her life that will lead me to where she’s hiding. I searched for her in the journals she kept, the pictures she surrounded herself with, the CD left in the player, and the books which crowned each stack. The trail she left points me to Christ and Him alone. I want it to lead to her, but she would have it no other way. She was the aroma of Christ, and it is His presence that continues to linger and fill our home now that she is gone.
I am confident that Christ will fill this space once again with His Word and His Work. I’m renewed with a hunger and a passion for Christ. She is with Him, and I get to pursue Him. He is my treasure and my heart will never rest until it finds rest in Him.
Prayer:
I thank you Jesus for the unimaginable privilege of having Lariate Janel Coulter as my bride. I’m not worthy of such a gift, and even now, I plead your righteousness, not my own in receiving such a treasure. I give her, gladly, willingly, back to you. Our marriage was never meant to be permanent; it was written in our vows that death would one day separate us. That day has come. Thank you for your faithfulness to receive her to yourself, she is your bride. You are more loving than I. You are more faithful than I. You are more tender than I. She is with you, her soul finally filled and at rest from the wanderings of this world. You have fulfilled all that I cannot and YOU have satisfied her soul.
Holy Spirit, cover the seeds of truth and ministry that you have planted throughout Lariate’s life and protect them until they bear fruit--Devotion to You, satisfaction in Your will, and humble service towards others. Amen.
