Wedding Jitters…

My dear sweet wife, I miss you so much these days and I long to be filled with the nearness of your presence.  We celebrated your life at last.  On April 10th, we all gathered at Northwest Community Church to celebrate your life and to praise Jesus for your faithfulness to Him.

I woke up that morning with the wedding jitters.  I had Liz cut my hair the way it was cut on our wedding day nearly 10 years ago.  John Amandola flew down from new York to perform the service.  Same church, same pastor, a lot of the same people.  John L. had asked me to guess how many would attend.  I said “Well, probably as many as came to our wedding.”  He thought that was an over-estimate and suggested something more conservative.  We settled around 200.

Guess how many people showed up?  450 !!!  Yup, all for you babe.  At breakfast this morning, Calvin was doing the math and said “More people showed up at mommy’s funeral than at your wedding.”  He’s right.  This too is a demonstration of God’s faithfulness to us in our covenant vows that He would accomplish more thru us as a union than He had in our singleness.  The larger crowd testifies to this.

You would have loved it.  the place was filled with flowers and the sweet fragrance of Christ was present through the whole service==from Phillip on the Piano, to the people that spoke, and the awesome volunteers that served.  The entire service was conducted with the tenderness you deserve and with elegance and beauty. 

No wonder I had the wedding jitters.  It reminded me of our blissful day in 2004.  And guess what?  Greg M. drove me home that night.  Same guy who drove us away from the ceremony back then still stands by us today.  We have some amazing friends.

For now, I have to go.  I love you so much.  It’s past 1AM and I have a garage sale to take on tomorrow.  Till I see your sweet face again.

Your Husband,

Dhondi

Goodnight sweetheart.

I remember when we were dating, you suggested a 9pm curfew on our outings.  It was important to you to get home so that you could wake early and spend time with Jesus before you started each day as a teacher.  It was equally important that we protect one another during our time of courtship.  it was bittersweet, but we both agreed to it.  On that first night, around 8;59pm, I sang to you:

Goodnight, sweetheart, well it's time to go,
Goodnight, sweetheart, well it's time to go,
I hate to leave you, but I really must say,
Goodnight, sweetheart, goodnight.

You chimed right in with a “do-do-do-dooo” at the end of each line and would always join me for the final “Goodnight, sweetheart, goodnight.”  After a year of marriage, we continued to sing that song to one another every night after the lights went out.  I enjoyed a million of these moments with you and still do.

I love you.

Unexpected waves

My dearest wife,

Today, the grief started to come in waves.  It began this morning when Jonathan watched me shave.  He waited in anticipation for the moment when I splashed the aftershave on.  “Dad, can you put some on me so I can run and show mo….?”  He paused.  The routine he had always treasured—the one where he would run to your arms and gleefully declare “Smell me mom, I smell like Daddy” and you would say “Mmmm…you smell like a handsome man”—had lost it’s meaning. 

You are wonderful, my dear, and you have prepared me well.  You told me “Watch out for Jonathan, he will need tenderness and affection.”  I see now that you were right, this will be hardest on him.  I see him trying to be tough and hold this all in though he doesn’t comprehend why all this has happened.  He knows that God is good, but doesn’t understand why He allowed you to go.

From there, the waves of grief kept trickling ashore.  I finalized mortuary plans, and met with Ryan to discuss the memorial.  Moments before arriving at the church, I heard a song on the radio that reminded me of our marriage nearly 10 years ago.  I remember feeling so privileged to have you as my bride.  I knew that God had entrusted you to my care and that, one day, I would entrust you back to His.  I did not realize it would be this soon, but I am thankful for the 9 1/2 years we shared.  You are now in the arms of your Savior, who is more faithful than I, and whose love is everlasting. 

I miss your presence in our home, especially this time of night when you gently beckon me to our bed to get rest.  Tomorrow, the boys have a dentist appointment.  Thank you for always taking care of our boys and staying on top of these routine things. There is much I continue to learn from the care you left in your absence.

I miss you dearly,

Your husband.

I miss you

My dear wife, I woke up this morning to a house full of children eager to pull a prank. Today is April 1. Someone put mustard inside my toothpaste tube, saran wrap the doorway to our bedroom, and who knows what else they did that I have yet to discover.  I miss your presence in the wisdom with which you would have led our children as they discovered the wonderful world of pranks.  I remembered the prank we pulled on Ashley Stewart, and the beautiful picture of a husband-and-wife working together as a team.  

Today, I spent most of the time on phone calls as I worked my way through a checklist of people that I needed to notify.  I love you, and how organized you were. It was easy for me to find everything I needed.  The dentist office called to remind me of the appointment you set up for our children.  

Calvin I took a trip to Costco to pick up carrots. On the way there he had some questions about how you had left this world. I spent some time with him talking and he understood was at peace. He also wanted to know what our plans for the future were. He suggested we purchase a two-story house next to Shanker and Lisa.  I reminded him that our plans may be great but God's plans are greater and that we should certainly take time as a family to pray about what is next. He was excited about that.

David is continually coming to grips with the fact that you're not coming home. He seemed to understand you were dead, but didn't know why you couldn't come back to the house. He continually comes to me and says "I miss my mommy."  Tonight, he brought me a present to give to you. I'm excited to find a way for his little heart to experience the meaningfulness of connecting with you through these gifts.  

We went over to Zack and Lisa tonight to sing songs and eat food while the kids played. As usual, the night got off to a late start. I was talking with Lisa Shepherd, and she mentioned she had never been ranked on April fools before. I thought "how appropriate to prank her tonight."  I silently conferred with Lisa and Shanker, and we rose up and said our goodbyes thank them for being wonderful hosts. We turned to the door and left. And we left all of our children behind. It took Zach a while to figure out what had happened, as he was loading the kids into the van and nervously looking around to figure out where we were. A few text messages back-and-forth while we enjoyed some coffee at Starbucks, and we came back to get them.

Tonight, for the boys story time, I will told them the story of how we met how we dated and how I eventually asked you to marry me. I showed them pictures and reminded them all that I saw in you from the first moment until this very moment and why I was so privileged to have you as my wife.

The children are asleep, and Shanker and Lisa and their children have returned to Tolleson.

I love you and I miss you, good night

P.s.  I know you're subscribed to this blog.  Don't know if you have wifi in heaven.

Lariate Wiegel, 37

My beautiful wife, a loving mother, and faithful servant of Jesus Christ died today and went to be with her Savior.   In her final moments, I sang a new song for her that I learned on the guitar she bought me nearly 8 years ago.  The song was “Come for Me” by Charlie Hall.   Afterwards, I told her that I was ready to see her go and that Jesus would come and take her home.  I read to her from the book of 2 Corinthians.  As I was reading these words, she turned towards me and quietly left.
“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen.  For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.  For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.  For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling, if indeed by putting it on we may not be found naked.  For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened—not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.  He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee.”  - 2 Cor 4:16 – 5:5
We are planning a memorial service for later this week.  I will send those details as soon as possible.

In His Loving Arms (Both of us),
Dhondi Wiegel

Waiting for what’s next…

It’s been 7 months since our last update in July, since I wrote the words “We’re ready to be done.” Since then, the Lord has chosen to sustain us—even through great suffering—so that He might display His infinite Grace and Kindness with the extravagant beauty that only He can. (More on this in a bit)
Here’s a quick update:

• Early in 2013, Lariate underwent radiation therapy in hopes of wrapping up our journey by zapping the tumor. We finished in May and the Doctors were pleased with the results. A follow up PET scan showed that the original tumor had indeed shrunk.
• That is where the good news ended. =(
• The additional results of the PET scan showed that the cancer spread to distant lymph nodes and from her colon to her spine, moving her from “curable” to “incurable.”
• Lymphedema (a side effect of the radiation) began to affect Lariate’s legs causing them to swell as they retained fluid. This caused great discomfort and difficulty in sitting or walking. In addition to the discomfort, the trapped fluid made her prone to infections which caused severe pain.
• In July, a follow-up with Lariate’s OBGYN revealed a mass inside her vagina (unexpected). A biopsy later confirmed it was metastatic colon cancer. Wow…the news just keeps getting worse.
• The cancer—which was previously invisible—was now manifesting itself in sores and swelling around her abdomen and her lower back. Together with the lymphedema, Lariate began to enter a state of perpetual discomfort.
• It was around this time (July 2013) that a consensus was reached amongst our medical team that it was time to involve hospice. We were not ready for that.
• For the next few months, we approached her treatment with a variety of modalities including medical marijuana, Vitamin C infusions, UV Light Therapy, Hypnosis, Ozone, and a handful of naturopathic supplements. During this time, Lariate’s pain increased and her energy decreased. Our reserves were starting to exhaust along with our willingness to try new things.
• After a discussion with her OBGYN, we made the decision to call hospice in October of 2013. Although still not ready, we had a peace knowing that God’s hand was still on us. From the first visit until now, Hospice of the Valley has provided a level of care that is knowledgeable, intimate, and attentive to ALL of our needs.
• Around this time, I left my office to work out of our home and be close to my wife. I entrusted my business to the Lord and He has been faithful to take care of it. I have two employees who stepped up to take care of most of onsite operations while I have continued to provide support from home.
• In November, we took a trip to the emergency room because of intense pain that could not be brought under control. After intervening and draining her bladder thru a catheter, it became evident that a new symptom of her cancer’s progression was the inability to control her bladder.
• As the cancer spread in her spine, it increased pain and limited the use of her legs and feet.

This journey has not gone in a way we imagined, but we have NOT walked alone. God has been present, along with our family & friends, and He continues to give us new stories to share:

• This year, Calvin turned 7 and David turned 4. All three boys excel at being servants, wrestling on the bed, and sneaking food out of the kitchen.
• We had the best 3 parties of my LIFE back to back—Christmas 2013, New Year’s, then Calvin’s 7^th birthday. Easily the happiest 2 weeks of my life.

 

• There is also the weeklong visit from the Denver Wiegels that turned into a month of fun, adventure, and home-schooling. My sister flew from Nicaragua to help manage the house, care for Lariate, and she brought tortilla chips to David which earned her the title of #1 Aunt.
• We’ve been blessed to have talented musicians come to our home and lead us in singing about God’s grace and mercy, even in the midst of hardship and suffering.
• At times I feel side-lined in ministry, asking the Lord “What can I do?” He has provided a way for us to support a missionary to Nepal and provide “aerial support” for missionaries through prayer.
• I started to play the guitar that Lariate bought for me 8 years ago and have found it to be a great way to unwind from the stress of this journey.

God is Faithful. When we asked for direction, He led us. When we asked for love, He sent flowers. When we asked for Peace, He gave it. When we asked for marijuana…well, I won’t get into that, but HE provided!! When we asked for encouragement, we came home to find His Word written all over our driveway in chalk. When we asked for help, He gave it in abundance. He has been faithful in everything and in every way. He has answered EVERY prayer…
…except this little thing called cancer. We don’t know what He is doing. We have been tempted to doubt His Goodness, only to be reminded over that He is in control. He does love us, and He is with us!!!
It seems like our journey is close to an end. Lariate’s pain has increased greatly in these last two weeks and we have been in and out of the Hospice Care facility to get her pain under control and properly managed. Lariate continually pleads with her Father in Heaven saying “I’m just a girl, not a soldier. Jesus, please take me home. I’m ready for rest.”
As we wait for the promised rest, Lariate and I have enjoyed many conversations about the goodness of God and His faithfulness to us; even when we can’t see the road ahead. The boys have been present through the whole journey, aware of our struggles, and trusting in the same God for mom’s deliverance. We know that Lariate will enter her rest when God’s will is accomplished.
Presently, Lariate is at a hospice facility receiving care to help her rest. We anticipate that this is where she will spend her final days as she looks forward to the rest that Jesus has promised. She is comfortable, polite, and can’t wait to see Jesus. She hasn’t stopped smiling since our decision was made.
“We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. ⁹ Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. ¹⁰ He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, ¹¹ as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many. “

- 2 Corinthians 1: 8-11
Our hope is in Christ alone for the forgiveness of our sins, the ransom of our souls, and the deliverance of our bodies. We wait in eager anticipation of what He will do next.
Because He Lives,
Dhondi Wiegel

Prayer Notice & Brief Update 2/28/2012

an email Lariate sent 2/28/2012

Hello Friends and Family,

We’ve been working through nearly six months (March 10^th will be 6 months) of our intense cancer therapy. Times are busy, but we desire to join in community once again to pray our way through this journey the Lord has us on. If you cannot make it please join us in prayer wherever you are.

Everyone is invited to come for a time of prayer for Lariate and the Wiegel family! We will be meeting at the Bentley’s house.

Date: Saturday, March 3rd
Time: 9:30am

Here is a brief UPDATE:

I had more blood work done last Wednesday and the results should be here this week for us to consult with our doctors soon. This Friday afternoon, I have an ultrasound…the first “picture” so to speak since beginning therapy nearly six months ago. This ultrasound will be the same one I had done in August that revealed the “staging” of my cancer. If you remember, it revealed a T3 penetration, meaning the cancer was into the colon wall but not yet penetrated thru (which would be a T4). Anyway this will be the first “picturing” we will have since starting therapy. Upon the results we receive Friday and consulting with our team of doctors, we will decide upon which subsequent picture would be most beneficial (whether a colonoscopy or perhaps a PET scan of the body) to track this cancer.

Overall I am feeling well physically… overwhelmed at times…always running behind on therapy demands…scattered with the complexities of managing my therapy needs, being a wife, mother of three little ones, home upkeep, desire for stillness, longing to be set free from this binding regiment, praying for healing, o’ the list goes on. This isn’t the happiest of seasons in our life but we are trusting in a mighty God.

With the “long-haul” of therapy setting in we are asking for Friday’s appointment to bring us encouragement. We ask that this picture would reveal encouraging progress. Please pray for this.

Dhondi and I are weary. We need respite. We have discussed and are now looking into hiring some aspects of our complex needs so that the tensions we have been bearing for nearly six months may be better managed and bring some peace and rest to our home and marriage…we still have a year and a half to go and want to bear thru this well and remain connected and purposeful together as a family rather than frazzled, disconnected and tired. Please pray for this as well. Specifically for wisdom, workers, financial provision and rest.

With Grace,

Lariate (& Dhondi)